Many couples struggle with poor communication because they are dealing (or not dealing) with some past resentments or issues. If you are still holding onto past issues and resentments, this exercise will go along way in helping you work through those things. So, let’s not waste any more time here. It’s Time to Put the Past Behind You– where it belongs!
5 Step Process to Destroy Past Resentments Forever!
- Pick a time and place to discuss the issue or past resentment.
Plan for a time when no one is around in a quiet space with no technology, no kids and no interruptions! You also want to find a place that will feel peaceful. You are going to be talking about some difficult issues, choose a place and time where and when you will be at your optimum. Go ahead and put it on your schedule now- if you don’t get it on your schedule, you will most likely never do it. Write the time and place below. - Write out your most important concerns.
Determine what is truly important. Typically, there are only 1-3 really important issues/concerns. Everything else tends to diminish once you deal with those things. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the weeds- only focus on the issues and concerns that really matter. Once you know what issues you need to focus on, go ahead and write them down for your meeting. - Talk through each of these issues with one another.
Be raw and real- yet still be gentle with each other. Don’t deny each other’s feelings. Now, that doesn’t mean you agree with them—but if that’s what they are feeling- acknowledge it and then…talk about the truth. Once you have discussed and acknowledged each other’s feelings, talk gently about how you see things. Remember this isn’t about being right as much as it is about getting right with each other. - Decide a plan of action to deal with each issue– then deal with it.
Sometimes just talking things through will be all that you need to do. And then there are other times when you need to put together a plan of action to remedy the situation or to make amends. Make sure that you also write down a timeline of when this needs to be done. But remember that some things take time- don’t be unrealistic with your expectations. - Finally- LET… IT… GO!
Okay- you’ve done it. You sat down and talked through the issue and you came up with an appropriate plan of action. NOW- let it go! There may be times when you are tempted to bring the issue up again. That is when you pull out this sheet and remind yourself that it’s done- this is over now and we are moving on!
So now go ahead and write down today’s date. This is the date that you are
now moving forward. If you follow through with this and truly sit down and deal with the issues at hand- you will finally be able to move forward.
*So when will you begin to implement this? Let us know- write the date in the Comments Below!
