This family almost didn’t happen! We were separated 3 times in the first 3 years of our marriage. During our third separation, we were living over 600 miles apart for about 5 months with almost no contact during that time. As far as we were concerned, our marriage was over and we were headed straight for a divorce!
Today we have been married over 20 years, we have 4 beautiful children and I am the Senior Pastor of our church!
So how did we go from being unbelievers on the brink of a divorce to having a 20+ year marriage, being committed Christians and now ministering to other couples in crisis?
I like to say:
[shareable]We gave our lives to Jesus and He gave our marriage back to us![/shareable]
If you missed Part One of Our Story- you can read it HERE.
But more on that in just a moment– in Part One I said that our marriage was a “Match Made in Hell”.
Our marriage was truly horrific, we were both verbally abusive… mentally abusive… emotionally abusive… and yes, even physically abusive to each other and to ourselves as well. The police were called to our home multiple times and we were evicted from one of our apartments because of our fights.
Yet the crazy thing was that we were also madly in love with one another! If anyone would have seen us, they would have thought that we were insane.
One moment we would be screaming at each other and the next we would be all lovey-dovey. We would be slamming doors, punching holes in walls and then we would be kissing and hugging- and this would all happen in the same day- sometimes the same hour!
We were both dealing with a lot of different issues. Also the fact that we weren’t Christians and that we were trying to do all of this on our own didn’t help matters.
I Don’t Love You Anymore
One of the issues that we were both dealing with was insecurities. My wife struggled deeply with her self-image and that caused a lot of pain for both of us. As a result, she constantly questioned my love and devotion. Then one day she said to me the thing that would radically change our lives forever.
She informed me that she discovered a way that she could deal with her insecurities, she said that for now on:
She would just assume the worst of me!
On top of that, she said that not only would she always assume the worst of me, but she would never say anything about it and that we would just live the rest of our lives like that.
I was crushed! All of my hopes and dreams for our future were completely demolished. How could I go on thinking that we had a future when she would always be thinking the worst of me? Even if things seemed to get better- how would I know? She had said that she would never tell me any different.
At that point I just shut down. I was tired of fighting, I was worn out, there was nothing left- I just felt numb to everything. So I said it… I never thought I would say it, but I did:
“I don’t love you anymore… I want a divorce.”
What happened next absolutely floored me- she actually… Read Part 3 Here…
My marriage has fallen apart. We’ve been separated a year and divorce is weeks if not day away. He has moved another woman into our home and I tried everything to change his mind. We’re a Christian couple, we were very active in our church. He was a deacon and mission leader. The other woman is his secretary and 10 years older than him. With all that he’s done, and I am not blameless by no means, I still love him. I made him my idol instead of trusting God. I’ve paid a huge price for that. I miss him every day and would give anything to make our marriage work. We’ve been married 23 years and have 2 adult sons. Neither of which will give him the time of day. My famiky, friends even my boys say to move on and forget him, but for some reason I just can’t. I’d appreciate your prayers.
Hi Kim, we are so sorry to hear what you are going through. But we encourage you to keep believing.
We can’t guarantee that everything will turn around right away or at all. But if you give up now, we can almost guarantee that it is over.
As you have already experienced, the rest of the world will tell you that it is over and that you should just walk away. Since you stated that you are a Christian, we are sure you know that is not what God wants you to do.
Please understand that we are not saying that what your husband has done is right or that you should just crawl back to him.
There is a lot that will need to be done to restore your marriage. There will need to be a lot of forgiveness and dealing with raw emotions.
We would encourage you to continue to be the Light of Christ in the midst of this darkness and be sure that God will bless you for your faithfulness.
Now while we can’t force your husband to repent or to do what is right, the one thing we can do is what you asked for and that is to pray.
So we will be fervently praying for you, your husband and your boys and that God will bring your husband to his knees and that he will repent and turn back to God and to his family.
Let’s pray right now– Dear Lord, we come before you right now on behalf of Kim and her family.
Lord you know all that they have been through and all that Kim is experiencing right now.
We pray that you would work in this marriage- that you would work in Kim’s husband’s heart and that he would turn back to you.
We also pray for Kim’s sons and that they would understand their mom’s heart and that they would support her in her desire to restore her marriage.
Please hold her and her family up and place a shield of protection around them- keeping the enemy away- and restore this marriage and all for your glory.
We love you and praise you Lord, In Jesus Name, Amen.
Kim, we will continue to pray for you.
Blessings,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
My Marriage Is Worth It