When I sat down with the minister—his name was Cliff, he said something to me that completely changed my life and our marriage. What he said to me was the KEY TO SAVING OUR MARRIAGE and it is what has kept us together these past 20+ years, and it is the key to having the thriving marriage we have today. Cliff said:
“Listen, I’m no marriage counselor but I know one thing and that is this:
Things will never be right between you and your wife
until you get things right between you and God.”
If you missed Part One of Our Story- you can read it HERE. You can read Part Two HERE and Part Three HERE!
Now I had no idea what Cliff was talking about. I believed in God and I thought I was a good person… mostly. But Cliff shared with me that there was a difference in believing in God and trusting in God. Over the next couple of months, Cliff shared with me the life-changing, transforming message of Jesus Christ.
The Moment That Changed Everything
On September 18, 1997, I finally surrendered my life and my marriage over to Jesus. Little did I know, my wife had begun to get counseling from a minister at another church 600 miles away. Ten days later, she gave her life to Jesus as well. Our lives have been completely perfect ever since…. UM—NO NOT QUITE!
We still had work to do—and a LOT of work too! But now we were no longer trying to do everything in our own strength. We now had God on our side and even more importantly- we were on His side. And we began to see that we were both on the same side!
We were separated 3 times in the first 3 years of our marriage and now we have been married for over 20 years. Our marriage has not always been sunshine and rainbows since that day. We would be lying if we said that we always handle things perfectly now. But our marriage has now become a blessing and our lives are filled with a joy and peace that we could have only dreamed of before.
A New Marriage and a New Mission
Our deepest desire is for other couples to experience the forgiveness and love that we have in our marriage. We want hurting couples to know that there is hope for their marriage. There is a brighter day on the horizon and it isn’t with a different spouse. You can find true love and fulfillment in the marriage you have right now.
This blog is a testimony of what God has done and continues to do in our marriage. We will be sharing the lessons that God has taught us over the past 20+ years as well as the lessons He is still trying to teach us– sometimes we can be kind of dense!
We don’t know where you are in your marriage right now. Maybe you are where we were 20 years ago and you don’t know how you can possibly go on. Maybe you are beginning to see some warning signs and don’t want to go through what we experienced. OR Maybe you have a wonderful marriage and want it to just keep getting better. Whatever your story is, we invite you to join us on this journey. And maybe… just maybe we will all discover that our marriage is worth it after all!
Well that’s our story- what’s yours? Go ahead and tell us your story or let us know what you think of ours in the comments below! We would love to hear your thoughts!
Blessings for a Healthy Marriage,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
We have been separated 6 months on the 16th and he is done. But I know God isn’t done with our marriage or with us!
Hi Ashley- we are sorry to hear of your separation. When you are separated that long and the other person is unwilling, it can seem quite hopeless. But we agree with you that God is not done with you just yet. Keep praying and trusting, He wants to do something miraculous in your marriage. Where is your husband now- does he live nearby? Do you have children together and if so, how are they doing with all of this? We will be praying for God’s hand to move quickly and powerfully in your situation.
Blessings,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
My Marriage Is Worth It
We know God is working but my husband had a 1.5 week affair 7 months into our new marriage (3 months ago). We both want it to work and we know we love each other but I am wondering if I will ever feel like I did before. If I’ll ever be happy without it in the back of my mind. I feel better every day but it’s always-there. I try to be grateful he ended things before I ever knew, he’s done all the right things to help me move forward, but I still feel so slighted. I am at a loss as to how to ever trust him with my heart again. I enjoyed reading your story, it gives me hope!
Hi Erica- we are happy to see that you both are committed to healing your marriage. It is going to take a lot of time, but unfortunately there isn’t a set time and then everything is fixed.
It really will be a process for both of you. There will be those times when you will feel like you can’t trust him again and then there will be those times when you never felt closer. Just understand that is normal and part of the healing.
Also- you had talked about wanting it to feel like it did before. But the crazy thing about this is- that is NOT what you want. Because the way it was before was unhealthy.
Back then there were lies and unhealthy ways of thinking. Today you and your husband are building your marriage on something stronger. You aren’t going into this naive – now your eyes are open and you can actually have a stronger and more mature marriage than you ever had before.
I hope that encourages you. We will be praying for you!
Blessings,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
My Marriage is Worth It
Tears!! Not the same story but close. I actually just finished writing my testimony of my marriage that was hell on earth and now we are healing and trusting God. Our marriage was set up to fail from the beginning but with God’s grace we have overcome porn addition, unhealthy coping mechanisms, verbal(both of us) and physical abuse(me towards him), insecurities and trust issues. We have both submitted to God and focused on fixing the individual person instead of pointing our fingers at each other. It’s been a little over a year since our healing began and in June we will celebrate 13 years together. We still have bad days but we have learned how to deal and work together and fight for us instead of against us. Beautifully broken
Hi Amanda!
Praise God for what He has done and continues to do in your marriage! God is so amazing- if only we knew it sooner! But the rest of the years are for His glory and in His Love. Thank you for commenting- prayerfully it will be an encouragement to others who are struggling. Also- just so you know- we still have bad days too occasionally. But the Good News is that we don’t have to handle them on our own any longer- we can give them to God! Be sure to keep us posted on your successes!
Blessings,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
My Marriage is Worth It
Our marriage has been a definite roller-coaster since about 6months into our marriage. Similarly to your 1st year but ours has been that way to current. Started counseling to work on me….its tough not to throw in the towel but im determined to not have another failed marriage. Unfortunately the 3 men have been very similar and so have i in each marriage but this one has been the worst. God is bigger is what im sticking with…
Hi Kellie- it sounds like it has been a really rough time. When you are in the midst of it, it seems like it will never end. Our first 3 years were absolutely horrible and we really could never see a way out. But it wasn’t until we got our eyes off of ourselves and onto God, that we were able to see things a little differently. It wasn’t easy… by any means! But knowing that God was on our side gave us the strength to continue on and trust. What you said: “God is bigger…” is absolutely true. Keep that attitude and focus and He will see you through– even through the dark! Keep your eyes on the Light! We will be praying for you!
Blessings,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
My Marriage is Worth It
Hi, we have been married 13 years and he left me on our anniversary. We have struggle through out marriage, trials, fights, affairs to the point he has had enough. He says he needs fixing. He is staying close by. We talk and still see each other. As of last week he was speaking to someone else whom he crossed the line with but was making him feel better. I know his and God’s relationship is not where it needs to be. I have asked for forgiveness on my part and am turning it all over to Him which is harder than it seems. I pray he too can do the same.
Hi Michelle- when you struggle through a marriage for as long a time as you have, it is understandable the discouragement that you both are feeling. But please don’t give up hope yet. We believe that your marriage can be saved. But your husband is right- he needs fixing… actually you both need fixing. Now that doesn’t mean that you are defective in any way. It just means that something needs to change. You have been going through this for so long that it can feel like the marriage is defective. Yet marriage is comprised of two individuals and it’s the people that need to change. *Again- we are not saying that you or your husband are bad people or are defective. You just need to change your mindset and the way you approach your marriage. We will be praying fervently for you. In the meantime, find out if your husband is willing to do what needs to be done to heal your marriage and if you haven’t already- sign up for our free ecourse- there is a lot of good information there that will help the two of you get on the right track. Also, try to get him to read our story on our blog. Whether you have struggled 3 years, 13 years, or 30 years, your marriage can be healed and it is DEFINITELY worth it!
Blessings,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
My Marriage is Worth It
My husband and I have been married for fourteen years. We have had our share of turmoil…infidelity is the biggest problem we have. Numerous affairs has taken place over the course of our marriage. In October of last year I just knew we were over, until we took a trip together…it changed our relationship for the better. Then February came and the same issue reared its head, now we are barely speaking and sleeping apart. But, I still have hope and I’m prayerful. I attend church just about every Sunday where as my husband haven’t been to church in several years. I ask for prayer for my marriage. That God bring my husband back to Him and he’ll come back to me and our kids
Hi Nicole, thanks for reaching out. One of the reasons that we were separated 3 times in the first 3 years of our marriage is because we kept thinking that everything was going to be different this time. But we were just wishful thinking- we never really addressed the issues. It wasn’t until we both gave our lives and marriage to the Lord that we began to see real change and progress. We will be praying for your husband to turn back to God. We will also be praying that God softens your husband’s heart and that the two of you can really sit down and work through the situation. Here is a link to a resource we have that will think will help you to start dealing with the affairs. It isn’t going to solve everything- but it is a start. We will be praying for you and your marriage.
Blessings,
JR & Carrie Lightstein
My Marriage is Worth It
Got married at age 17 been married 30 wonderful years have never once even thought of Separating . He is the love of my life and my best friend. We can talk to each other about anything and everything and we have date nights and just love to go county cruising together.